So, in today’s featured news section on the website I work for, I have a package devoted to the Dear Abby/romance novel controversy, which many, many romance writers and readers have blogged about. Then, I linked to the RWA stats about the romance industry. Because, darn it, anything I can do to help dispell the incorrect stereotypes and myths is a good thing. Because for the biggest-selling genre in publishing, romance generally has a really, really bad reputation.
It all started a few weeks ago, when a woman wrote in to Dear Abby about her daughter’s reading choices. She liked *gasp* romance. The woman was shocked because her 14-year-old daughter was reading adult content. Dear Abby’s response was:
Some might argue that the idealized depiction of romance, and women being “rescued” by powerful, wealthy men, is more worrisome than the sex and eroticism.Â
Out of all of the things in the initial letter, this is what Abby focuses on. And that pissed a lot of romance writers and readers off. I gotta agree. First, the whole “rescued heroine” thing hasn’t really been a part of romance since…well, since they really were bodice rippers. In the late 70s, early 80s, yeah, there was a lot of that. There were the heroines who had to be coerced to sex, because it was the only way they could rationalize doing something that was considered taboo… But that was a long time ago. Now we have heroines rescuing their heroes right back. Strong, independent women who have it all, and want romance and an awesome sex life too.
But what really bugged me about the whole situation is that the letter writer wasn’t aware of what her daughter was reading and was afraid to talk to her about it.*That’s* a problem.
When I was 12, I read the VC Andrews books, mostly because everyone else I knew was. While not really romance, these books were full of incest and grandmothers who poisoned her grandchildren with arsenic-laced doughnuts and recycled plotlines that really did just change the names and locations. By the time I was 14, I’d progressed to the historical romances my mom had in her nightstand. Did my mom know specifically what I was reading? Probably not, but she set the example by reading these kinds of books, too. If she were opposed to them, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have devoured them either.
Finding out about her daughter’s reading preferences was a perfect opportunity for this woman to sit down with her daughter and talk about her beliefs and values and her daughter’s beliefs and values. It could have been a growth experience for both mother and daughter. Instead, she goes whining to Abby. You shouldn’t need an advice columnist to tell you how to talk to your children. To know how to instill values and teach your children how to develop their own opinions. This woman could have talked about the difference between fantasy and reality. About the need for condoms and protection in real life, which doesn’t always fit in with the fantasy of romance (and that’s a debate for another post). About the need for women to be strong and independent and fulfilled on their own.
Did reading these adult books as a young teen scar me for life? Nope, not at all. I didn’t go run out and sleep with every guy in sight just because I read it in the books. I didn’t have expectations that some hero was gonna come and sweep me off my feet. It did, however, set me off on a life-long love of romance novels and a passion for fiction. A passion that I’ve now turned into a career, as I start my new job as an acquisitions editor for Samhain Publishing tomorrow…
But for that woman, instead of fretting over well-told stories about a love between a man and a woman, maybe she should look at it as an opportunity to strengthen her relationship with her daughter…. and get a chance to read some damn good books.
), ’til my grandmother made reservations for herself and her bird, Joey. Two days later, she fell at work, dislocated her shoulder, and came to stay with us for a few months while she got better. My mom forbade me from answering the phone like that ever again. But she never said anything about blogs…
